


Boat Drinks

by sabinelagrande



Series: The Goddamned Genderswap [14]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Beaches, Drunkenness, F/M, Surfing, Vacations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-12
Updated: 2011-11-12
Packaged: 2017-10-26 00:12:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/276413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just your average recon mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boat Drinks

****

MISSION REPORT

 _ **Team:** AR-1  
 **Personnel:** John Sheppard, Meredith McKay, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex_

"I don't know why you're dragging us all out here," Mer said, leaning back in the co-pilot's seat. "We all have other things to be doing."

"Meredith is right," Teyla agreed. "There are many other concerns we could be attending to."

"I cannot believe you people," John grumbled. "It's the _beach_. For a _week_. I swear you guys used to know how to have fun."

 _ **Mission Type:** Reconnaissance  
 **Planet:** M2Z-185  
 **Inhabited:** No  
 **Space Gate or Land Gate:** Space_

"Do you think we can really spare the jumper for a week?" Ronon asked.

"Did you really want to walk through the gate carrying a surfboard, a giant umbrella, and a whole bunch of coconut rum?"

Mer perked up. "You never said there was going to be rum."

"What do you think people _do_ at the beach, Mer?" John dialed the DHD, dropping into the gateroom and slotting the jumper neatly through the gate.

 _ **Brief Description:** Geography consists of a series of small continents and island chains. Planet has no known inhabitants and appears to support very little predatory wildlife._

"Is there hunting?" Ronon asked.

"There's, y'know," John said, "little stuff. Marmosets, whatever."

Ronon frowned. "So there's no hunting."

"Look, you're gonna have a great time," he promised. "If you don't, I'll find you a bear myself."

 _ **Mission Notes:** Mission was primarily a first contact mission, and as such AR-1 attempted to seek out locals. _

"No one's going to find us," John said, setting up the umbrella in a nice spot on the beach. "There's nobody on the whole planet."

"You won't be so sure when they come out of the water and attack us," Mer said, slathering on her sunscreen.

"Will you guys just be cool?" John said, aware he was pouting a little.

 _When none were found, a decision was made to change the focus of the mission towards studying the geographical and geological aspects of the planet._

Mer picked up on it, slipping her arm around his waist. "I'm sure it won't be _completely_ terrible," she allowed. "It might even be, y'know-" she waved an arm- "not that bad."

 _Numerous tests on the local water supply and global wave patterns were performed,_

"How does he do that?" Ronon said, tracking John as he surfed.

Mer looked up from mixing her mai tai. "Hm? Oh, uh- you guys went to Vail that one time, right?" she said.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Same thing," she told him. "Only instead of a snowboard, it's a surfboard."

Ronon looked at her skeptically. "Uh huh."

She sighed. "Look, I didn't say I understood it. He straps a board to his feet! It's dangerous! That's as far as I know." She held up a bottle. "You want a drink?"

"Do I have to have one with all that pineapple in it?"

"Yes," she told him. "The first one has to have pineapple in it. That's what separates the lushes from the drunks."

 _as well as examinations of solar phenomena._

Teyla lay in her beach chair, stretched out, letting the warmth of the sun bake her gently. There were other things she probably should be doing, but it was getting harder and harder to remember what those were. Torren was safely with his father, which was really her primary concern; she loved him more than life itself, but the more she sat out here, the more she enjoyed not hearing him shaking around the toys that Mister Woolsey insisted on giving him.

She was really going to have to find an excuse to lose at least some of them.

 _When these exhaustive tests on the planet were concluded, the focus changed again._

When John finally came back in, he shoved his surfboard into the sand and collapsed onto his towel, laughing. He hadn't seen waves like that since- since high school, probably, and it was just too good that nobody else got to ride them.

He didn't realize how long he'd been out there until Mer prodded him with her foot. "Come on, get up," she said. "Ronon's making roast beast for supper."

He let her drag him to his feet. "My favorite," he said, kissing her. "You taste like pineapples."

"Yes, well," she said, waving a hand at him. "Pineapples are very important."

 _In accordance with Memo 119, which suggests the need for a higher degree of engagement with Pegasus societies, team building exercises were performed by members Emmagan and Dex._

"Okay, okay," Ronon said, when he and Mer were finally able to stop laughing for more than thirty seconds. "This one is about a tarmlen farmer, his daughter, and a bunch of gourds."

"What's a tarmlen?" she asked.

Ronon cracked up. "I don't know!" he said, and they fell all over each other laughing again.

 _At the conclusion of the mission, AR-1 returned to Atlantis via the space gate._

Teyla helped John fold up the chairs and get them back into the jumper; there was nothing left to do but take down the tents and gather their clothes.

And, of course, collect Ronon and Mer.

They were in sort of a heap in one of the tents, but John didn't mind; Ronon was the only man in two galaxies that John could see passed out next to his wife without feeling the least bit jealous or suspicious.

"Mer," he said, shaking her. "Time to get up."

Meredith batted a hand at him. "Go 'way."

"Time to go," he told her. "Gotta get packed."

She opened an eye. "Give me my sunglasses," she said, sitting up. She held out her hands for balance. "And _all_ the aspirin."

 _ **Recommendations:** Recommend frequent check-in by AR-1 and other teams, in order to assess planetary-_

"I need a word," John said, filling out the mission report. "'To assess planetary-'"

"Why do you have to talk so _loud_?" Mer said, leaning back against the wall of the jumper; Ronon was asleep beside her, snoring.

"You might want to take your sunglasses off before you stumble into the jumper bay," he told her. "It's not helping."

"I'm never taking my sunglasses off again," she said fervently.

"It might also be helpful if you took the umbrella out of your hair," Teyla suggested.

She moaned, picking it out of her hair and tossing it across the cabin. "Someone radio Keller, because I am going to die."

John couldn't help laughing at her, not when she'd brought it on herself, not when it was just so damn funny.

He could pretty much count this vacation- mission, sorry- as a success.


End file.
